i am unique!

Acrylic painting

This scenery has been painted by my daughter on canvas paper using acrylic paint. Feedback is welcome.

This is a tribute to my husband whom I lost to covid complications two months ago – a person who was mostly misunderstood by people due to his mince-no-words attitude and a cautious approach to everything.

Having to fend for himself at an early age, he struggled to survive for many years despite having a master’s degree in law. Though career-wise he was gainfully involved in teaching, researching and editing law articles and books, he had to stay alone and depend on hotel food for over two decades until he landed a stable and secure job in the Central Government in his mid forties and was given a spacious government accomodation . This is when our marriage happened and we were blessed with our only daughter a year later.

He was an example of simple living and high thinking. He was very prudent with his finances and saved a part of his income every month for future crises. He was over protective of both of us and provided amply for us, to ensure that we did not lack anything. Extravagance and showoffs he disliked as also dishonesty, manipulation and immorality. Needless to say, he was himself honest, open and totally committed to his relationships. He valued intelligence and education immensely and thought it to be the door-opener for pursuit of one’s dreams and achievement of goals.

He was essentially an out-doorsy person who liked to move about and mingle with people whom he respected or admired. At home, you would have found him earlier with books (he has a huge collection) usually non fiction and later, with his mobile phone reading articles on varied subjects like law, politics, science, literature etc. And of course, the daily news.

He was a chess enthusiast right from teenage which he continued to play into his old age, developing a fair degree of proficiency. He was interested in cricket and tennis too and watched these tournaments with great interest, as and when they were telecast.

He was not a god-believer but was curious to know God. Whenever an opportunity arose, he was the first one to put forth many questions about the Almighty, for which no one could give him satisfactory answers. He had a scientific mind which refused to accept anything without proof.

He yearned for good friends all his life but his over cautiousness, bluntness and distrustful attitude (due to traumatic experiences of the past) put people off. That said, there were some people who admired and respected him for his intellectual thinking and analytical mind.

He was old fashioned in his living but very liberal and unconventional in his thinking. He paid his taxes and bills promptly every year and sometimes even before they were due. He was a true citizen of the land and never took undue benefit even when opportunity presented itself . He was a righteous person indeed irrespective of what other people said or did.

He was the one who instilled good moral and social values in my daughter and he is the one who she trusts completely and looks up to. She respects and admires him and his opinion on any matter is still the last say for her.

As a husband, he was very responsible, caring and protective. He was very methodical which I am not, and that sometimes caused trouble off and on between us. But since we were both committed to our marriage, things always returned to normal within the hour.

Just last year, he made a will so that there will be no trouble for us if he passed away. I remember finding this exercise somewhat amusing at the time but now, come to think of it, I am grateful to him for his concern and far sightedness. He also put all finances in order with nominations in all accounts and deposits, thereby ensuring minimal inconvenience to us in the transfer of money. He also invested in an flat before his retirement where we are presently living in comfortably.

We have had some beautiful time together on festivals, birthdays and vacations. The memories of these are now priceless for us and we shall cherish them forever. The only regret is that he did not live long enough to see his only daughter get married as he wanted to.

He was hypertensive and a diabetic though not insulin dependent and was his usual self till he was diagnosed with covid. The virus attacked his intestines and hence did not show up in the RT PCR test. He developed pneumonia and breathlessness and passed away a week later on the night of 14th April 2021, which was also our New Year’s Day. Just before he was wheeled into the ICU in the afternoon, he wished us both a very happy new year. Alas, it was not to be!

Respect

Yesterday i came across a quote which read:

“Be sure to leave the table when respect is no longer served”

How many times this has happened to you? People not respecting your words, your feelings, your actions and even your identity itself? People who do not want to listen, understand, accept or even give you an opportunity to clarify things. Many times surely?

If it happens over and over again, especially with the same person, then you need to think of leaving the table. Why? Because the longer you sit at the table tolerating this sort of mental torture, making lame excuses for the other’s behaviour every time and magnanimously forgiving him or her, the more you will be mentally shattered and the more you will suffer from low self esteem and possibly depression. Surely you do not want that?

So have you ever wondered why this happens in a relationship? Dependence. Financial dependence, physical dependence or emotional dependence. May be all three but mostly emotional. Emotional dependency does not allow you to open up with your thoughts and feelings, it robs you of your confidence to stand up for yourself and it limits your capability to raise disturbing issues and find solutions. Emotionally dependent people are fearful of losing the very person who shows them disrespect at every given opportunity all because they care deeply about them. They really cannot envisage a life without the other’s presence in it no matter how they are. They have even probably got used to this behaviour. This kind of dependence is difficult to overcome until and unless you are absolutely disgusted and want the situation to change. Then, where there is a will, there is always a way!

Comparatively, financial dependence can be overcome sooner at least now. Internet has opened up so many options that even a little-educated person can be engaged in work which will yield some income. Or you can learn something new (even free of charge) and find a suitable job. It is not all that difficult if you know what you are good at and what you would like to do!

Physical dependence mostly applies to people who are sick, disabled or too old to do things for themselves. It is out of their control to change things by themselves and it is for the near and dear ones to do the needful. May be shift them to a private clinic or an old age shelter where they will be better taken care of.

Life is short and we are all here for a reason. No one is perfect but every one of us is entitled to lead a happy life free of judgment and abuse. So if respect is not served, be sure to leave the table!

2019 year of drawing

The last one of 2019 – my choice

is Lord Ganesha also known as Elephant God, son of Shiva and Parvathi – remover of all obstacles one may face in life and one possessing wisdom and knowledge.

2019 year of drawing

This fortnight’s theme was ‘my kitchen’. This is, however, not the way my kitchen looks (it is cluttered with so many things) but a kitchen reminds me of a mother serving her children with a hot soup on a cold day. So here it is.

2019 year of drawing

This fortnight’s theme is ‘family’.

I love to see penguins on Discovery channel with the father taking care of the young one and the mother going in search of food, which is incredible to watch. They seem like a perfect family for me. So here they are with two offsprings.

The other one is the baby, secure in his mother’s arms. A baby is born through the mother and all his relationships start with her. So his family is all because of her. Hope you like it.

2019 year of drawing

This fortnight, it is myths and legends. We have no dearth of it in India where folk lores and tales like ramayana and mahabharatha have been around since centuries.

This drawing is of Ahalya, wife of a saint living in the forest. Legend has it that Lord Indra was smitten by her beauty and impersonating the saint in form, slept with her (when the saint had gotten up at dawn to take a bath in the river). The saint was furious on finding them together and cursed Ahalya to become a stone. However, on realising that it was not entirely her fault, he modified the curse to become null and void when someone divine touched the stone when she would transform into her original physical form. After some years, Lord Rama , an avatar of Shri Vishnu, during his 14 years’ stay in the forest came to relieve Ahalya’s curse and brought her back to life by touching the stone.

2019 year of drawing

This fortnight’s theme is ‘laboratory’. And here are some of the lab equipments without which research experiments are not possible. Hats off to the scientists who toil day and night to invent and innovate, to make our lives better!

2019 year of drawing

This fortnight’s theme is ‘harvest’. There is a lot of farming done in India and usually the whole family is involved in it. The women especially have a hard time working in the fields, looking after children and elders and doing household chores. Still they have a smile on their lips and a song in their heart. Poor they are but they do not complain much. So here’s a woman like that depicted in my sketch.